Primalfrost
Prosperous Visions (1cd)
Wydane przez Maple Metal RecordsRok wydania 2014Kraj CanadaNapisał Flemming Gabin8
Remember when Rhapsody was still good? Yeah, neither do I. Apparently some people still take them seriously, cos Odin fucken knows there’s no other way that I can explain the existence of Primalfrost. A band that, despite its ludicrous name, isn’t an Immortal tribute band, and even though the artwork might suggest otherwise "Prosperous Visions" unfortunately isn’t a new episode in the fucken amazing King’s Quest series. In fact people tell me Primalfrost is a power metal band from Canada. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, cos so far I’ve heard as much great as terrible power metal bands from the Great White North. Oh wow. So this band is one part Children Of Bodom (up to "Follow the Reaper") and one part Rhapsody (up to, say, "Power Of the Dragonflame"). It’s completely fucken cheesy and over-the-top, but there’s no way this kind of victorious, glorious sounding traditional metal is going to suck. There’s just so much energy. The orchestrations and choral parts aren’t as prominent as in Rhapsody, for which I am fucken thankful cos they are schmaltzy. What I’ll do concede is that this kid can play. By Ruby Jones’ tits, this kid can play. I’m not a big fan of the vocals, which are more suited for a fucken Viking or pagan metal band. Imagine this band with a soaring falsetto and you just got the recipe for success. The clean vocals in ‘Tale Of the Hero’ are all sorts of absolutely fucken terrible. Holy fucken crap, dudes. There’s a lot of absolutely fucken dreadful shit in the power metal underground, but Primalfrost is something else. Not even the goofy name and video game artwork can take away from how fucken amazing this band of ugly Canadian men is. Oh, wait. Apparently this is a project of one Dean Arnold, who really looks like a ugly, zitty girl, and played in a band called Will Of the Ancients before – which makes this album all the more impressive, cos this sounds like a genuine full blown band. Is there a ring of bands that play this shit in Canada? Cos this fucken shit reminds me a lot of that other Canadian band, uhm, Kälter. I swear, you could put these bands together on a record, and wouldn’t be able to tell where the one stops, and the other begins. Which is actually meant as a compliment. Shit, dudes, shit. I can’t believe that with the amount of shit I have to fucken endure that good bands are still accounted for. Who the fuck knew… There’s one thing better, and that’s new Katie Banks pics.
www.maplemetalrecords.com; www.facebook.com/Primalfrost; www.primalfrost.bandcamp.com
