Ephyra
Journey ()
Wydane przez Self-financedRok wydania Kraj ItalyNapisał Flemming Gabin5
Just when I thought this fucken godawful folk metal thing was, finally and thankfully, over here comes another underground polka band from Italy. Holy fucken shit, dudes. This is exactly as redundant and stupid as you think it will fucken be. Ephyra combines the worst of Kivimetsän Druidi and early Bodom in what, arguably, is probably the worst folk metal release this side of... I dunno, Folkearth and Myrkvar? It’s hard to keep track of what is truly wretched when almost the entire fucken subgenre is beyond shitty. ‘Laws Of the Elves’ has a good Celtic melody, but why are these fucken pasta-eaters trying so hard to sound Nordic? You fucks are Mediterranean. Accept it already. Nadia Casali is no Cristina Scabwhore, and she will occasionally butcher Shakespeare’s language with her thick accent. Why is she in even in this band? The male singer really, really likes Children Of Bodom and Alexi ‘I’m a douche’ Laiho. For fuck’s sake, try harder. All of this wouldn’t be a fucken problem if there was some actual metal to make you forget the godawful folk sections. No fucken luck there either. The metal part of this record is laughable, and the production doesn’t seem to put much emphasis on it either. Which begs the fucken question as to why this band labels itself metal when it hardly qualifies as such. At least you can hear the bass guitar. I guess that counts for something, or it supposedly does. I dunno. This is fucken shitty, that’s what. The riffs are the fucken recycled tripe that Ensiferum, Finntroll and Korpiklaani made popular. This is redundant, inconsequential swill for people who have no taste, or who religiously attend Heiden- and Paganfest. "Journey" is populist crap for dumb jocks and stupid kids. Make it fucken stop already. I suppose it is only a matter of time before this horrible band is contracted by Stygian Crypt Productions, who live for this sort of crap. More fucken power to them, the less I have to hear of it the better. Why anyone would want to start a folk metal band a full fucken decade after the genre last was popular is anybody’s guess, but there you have it. I’m pretty sure the guys and girl of Ephyra are all nice friendly people, but the world didn’t fucken need this, and neither did I. A Nada Casali solo record I could tolerate, but I’m not nearly drunk enough to enjoy this, or to find this sort of thing funny.
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