Rise Of Avernus
L’Appel du Vide ()
Wydane przez Code666/Aural MusicRok wydania Kraj AustraliaNapisał Flemming Gabin6
When you fucken tell me that this band is from fucken Australia, I’d probably laugh at your stupid face and tell to you to fuck off already. Why? Cos this sounds as European as they come, with that overblown Nordic symfo flair. For fucken reals. I didn’t realize Demon Burger had a new record out. Rise Of Avernus apparently can’t fucken decide whether they want to be Tim Burton Metal, doom metal or the average Demon Burger copycat. Not that I care. This stuff is pretty fucken good when you are in the mood for it. The only thing I really wanna know is this. Who is this chick singer? Seriously. Holy fucken shit. She’s cute as all hell. I always fucken imagined this band to be, like, Canadian or something. You know, with the fucken French album title and all. Not that that this very important. So yeah, "L’Appel du Vide" sounds a lot like "Death Cult Armageddon" – you know, if that record was actually any good. While I fucken enjoy this record in all its goofy glory, there is something far more important: why am I only finding out about Catherine Guirguis now? The fuck is this shit?! Anyway half of this record sounds like a Demon Burger record, one third like a Guirguis’ piano-based solo record, and one third is just some guy grunting and doing his best Peter Steele impresison that no one in the right mind seriously fucken cares about. When you got a fucken cute chick like her in the band who the fuck cares about the music seriously? Right. Cut it down on the fucken goofy male vocals, and let Cat sing her cute little heart out. Clothing optional. For fucken reals. I don’t particularly care for the gazillion synthesizers, effects and violins, but I suppose Guirguis needs to have a reason to stand on stage. Other than, you know, being the singer and being just very cute and all. The artwork was rendered by the fucken overrated Seth Siro Anton, so you know it is going to be a fucken eyesore. Other than that Rise Of Avernus is actually pretty good. Better than most, at any rate. The saxophone in ‘Embrace the Mayhem’ is pretty sexy. I can fucken image Cat dancing around in her tiny thong instantly. I don’t really fucken care how fucken stupid your band is if you throw a cute girl at me. No. For fucken reals. I suppose if this band thing doesn’t take off Cat can just do like every other girl and take her top off. I hear you can make money doing that. Just fucken saying. It’s all about priorities. There is no money to be made in metal anyway. At least not as a band. So, yeah. Take that as you fucken will. Just fucken saying. Fuck off.
www.auralmusic.com, www.code666.net
