Tothem
Beyond the Sea ()
Wydane przez Maple Metal RecordsRok wydania Kraj ItalyNapisał Flemming Gabin6
In the land of the blind one-eye is king – or in Boob Metal the band with actual songs fucken wins. Tothem is another gothic/symfo metal band from Italy. No, that wasn’t a fucken insult, although I understand how you might get that fucken impression. Yeah, usually Italian gothic/symfo metal bands are pretty fucken godawful. This one is pretty tolerable – although how much is that saying exactly? Not fucken much. I know, dudes. Shut up. The record starts off with ‘Run To You’, a track that unfortunately isn’t a Bryan Adams cover. This band sounds exactly you fucken imagines it does. Like Tuomas’ Midlife Crisis, erhm, Nightwish, and at its fruitiest as, say, Evanescence. Neither of which fucken appeals to me, but Roslen could be singing a fucken grocery list and I’d stand in line to hear it. Anyway, I mostly decided to review this band cos singer Roslen Bondi has a bikini picture on her Metal-Archives profile. Yeah, I’m totally fucken shallow like that. Most female-fronted metal makes me want to put fucken needles in my ears, or take that long overdue nap. Whatever. This is actually tolerable, pretty metallic too. Usually Boob Metal is all about fucken fruity ballads and fucken stupid pop songs. "Beyond the Sea" is hardly fucken heavy, but at least this band remembers that it is a metal band. Odin knows that most fucken Boob Metal bands tend to forget that. This band still sounds like about a fucken hundreds others, and the only thing that fucken makes them stand out is the fact that Roslen doesn’t sing with a thick accent. Fuck knows lots of Italian metal bands have that fucken problem. Not that I fucken blame them. If aya from UnSun can sing like a cheap East-European porn model on a label-sanctioned release, so can they. It’s all the fucken same to me. The less I have to fucken hear of it, the better. Anyway, "Beyond the Sea". Nothing new, hardly worth remembering but pretty good for what it is considering the level of fucken fruitiness in this genre. As I always fucken say, it could have been a lot fucken worse. This is tolerable. Fuck you.
www.maplemetalrecords.com
