Secrets Of the Sky
To Sail Black Waters ()
Wydane przez Kolony RecordsRok wydania Kraj USANapisał Flemming Gabin6
We all fucken know that doom metal has been fucken terrible ever since horribly overrated hipster bands as Ghost BC and The Devil’s Blood became popular. Not to mention the fucken influx of weak Black Sabbath knockoffs on every label imaginable. By Odin, I used to remember when doom metal was good. That was a long fucken time ago and about the only question you can fucken as yourself these days is: exactly how much will fucken shit suck? Secrets Of the Sky play doom metal and hail from Oakland, California. Holy fucken shit, if that isn’t enough to make you fucken run for cover I know not what is. I’m actually fucken surprised this band doesn’t contain any former members of the horrible Machine Head, or Decrepit Birth. In all honesty, this isn’t too shabby. No. This sounds a fucken lot like Officium Triste, "Like Gods Of the Sun" My Dying Bride or Shape Of Despair’s more uptempo material. I know, not exactly the pinnacle of fucken doom extremity, but there you fucken have it. As I fucken said, this is actually pretty good. Not amazing obviously, but decent. Especially if you fucken consider this is written by dumb Americans from sunny California – and the fact that this band was fucken hyped by the incompetent and lazy stoners from MetalSucks. Yeah. Fuck you Axl and Vince. Fuck you very much. I could have fucken done without those limp emo vocals, and beyond the fucken cheesy Tuomas’ Midlife Crisis, erm, Nightwish styled artwork this is actually pretty good. Not something I’d lose fucken sleep over, but yeah. Secrets Of the Sky is tolerable. If they could ever fucken decide whether they’d want to be actual fucken doom, or really slow heartbreak metal for depressed tween girls. Which is more than you can fucken say about most piece of shit underground metal. I know. Shut up. I’d rather put up with a depressed tween girl than a piece of shit metal band. I rather have a confused girl putting out, than this band putting out another album. I sure as fucken hell know which I would fucken choose. No, really. The only waters you’ll be sailing are the ones of my toilet as I fucken flush you guys through. This might appeal to the average hipster, but I’ve grown tired of fucken shit. I’ll go and listen Thergothon instead.
www.kolonyrecords.com
