Caelestis
Heliocardio ()
Wydane przez Ronin AgencyRok wydania Kraj ItalyNapisał Flemming Gabin7
Seriously. Why aren’t there more fucken bands like this. Caelestis is from… wait for it… Italy, and they play fucken alternative metal, or poppy gothic metal. Depending who you want to believe. Whatever the fuck you prefer. I dunno. I fucken decided to love this band on basis of its promo picture. No, seriously. Fucken hell. Odin knows I like my girls either nerdy, or busty (and preferably both), but this chick singer from this band. Holy crap, dudes. She has long legs, a sultry voice like Laura Pausini and fucken blue facepaint like Faith from Mirror’s Edge (seriously, check that game out, dimwits). Oh, fuck you too. Vera should have her own website, with lots of photos and videos. Clothing optional. Yeah, they sound a lot like Lacuna Coil (when they were still fucken good) or Evanescence, but here’s the thing: “Heliocardio” is actually fucken amazing. I mean, fuck me, this is a thinly veiled pop record with the occasional metal windowdressing. Just fucken listen to ‘Crollano Le Stelle’ (and its monumentally awkward transitions) or ‘Anatomia Spaziale’ - those are just Coldplay songs waiting to happen. Where was I? So, yeah. The chick is fucken hot. I like her. Long legs, black hair, she’s not particularly chesty – but fucken nerdy. You can see her wanting to pull her hair back, rip her shirt off and sing her cute little heart out. I think Armi Päivinen met her match. The promo video for the first track they shot is fucken epic. Not in production values, or story boards. Just the band and the chick singer dancing around in some forest. I swear I almost got Jésus Franco Manera visions, except the chick kept her clothes on. The singer Vera Clinco can come and dance for me in her stockings any fucken day of the week. In just her stockings, the rest is optional. The video is a totally fucken funny with the guitarist wearing an Anaal Nathrakh shirt, and the tubby drummer sporting his fucken trendy Meshuggah shirt. The behind-the-scenes and blooper real is even funnier. Holy crap. Can this Vera chick get any more hotter? Fucken hell. Why is this sold as a metal -, or even an alternative rock band? The synthesizer, piano and sound effects make this sound as fucken Enigma record. Not that I mind. I fucken love me some Enigma. That break in ‘The Return To Innocence’ is fucken epic. The EP concludes with a cover from Red Sky, who I’ve never heard of. Anyway, “Heliocardio” sounds amazing, looks amazing and has a fucken attractive singer. I have no idea who this is supposed to appeal to, but sign me up for more Vera. Viva Vera!
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