Dawn Of Tears
Act III: The Dying Eve ()
Wydane przez Inverse Records/Secret EntertainmentRok wydania Kraj SpainNapisał Flemming Gabin4
Shit, dudes. No, I mean it. Shit. I realize that most kids are stupid, ignorant and annoying, but they will buy anything to be "cool" and "trendy" – but holy fucken shit. I know that metal fans as a collective aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer and are just as gullible as the mainstream music fans they supposedly despise, but this... This is pushing it well into the territory of the unheard. Dawn Of Tears takes things to a whole new level. Yeah, a whole new level of utterly and entirely fucken awful. I’ve heard a lot of fucken shit in my day, but this... This is something else. Odin knows that anything from the country of Armi Päivinen that isn’t death – or black metal is usually fucken fruity and terrible. This band is no exception. What the flying fuck is this supposed to be, you bunch of cross-dressers? Oh wait. These guys are Spanish? That makes it even more infuriating. I know the press sheet calls this "melodic death metal", but I call this Tim Burton metal. I mean, the cheese practically drips from this album. Fucken blaring keyboards that would make Tuomas’ Midlife Crisis, uhm, Nightwish proud. Riffs, melodies and solos are stolen fucken wholesale from the master thief himself, Alexi ‘I’m a douche’ Laiho. Oh wow, there are even female vocals. Soothing here, and sultry there. What the fuck am I supposed to make of this? That this barely qualifies as melodic death metal? That this band really, really wants to be a gothic metal band, but is afraid to? That the girl slept with the entire band to score those guest vocals? What gives?! I can see why stupid kids would love this, and proclaim that it is fucken "revolutionary", "genius" and "genre-defining". Yeah, it sounds really, really smooth, with just enough melody and those annoying Gothenburg riffs we were already tired off when we first heard them recycled by lesser bands in the early 2000s. The guitar guy can solo a bit, and he really seems to like those old Iron Maiden solos. I’m not sure whether the drummer was even present during songwriting – cos this sounds fucken terrible on all accounts. You could replace this guy with a drum machine, and nobody would be any the fucken wiser. I have one fucken question: is there a factory in Finland where this type bands are manufactured in mass numbers? What is this place called? Generic-‘R-Us? Yeah, yeah. Cry me a fucken river. It’s catchy, it’s melodic, there are emotional choruses and sugary pop structures to boot. You know you’re in big fucken trouble when actual homosexuals as, say, Placebo are more metal than a band that supposedly plays, you know, metal. "Act III: The Dying Eve" is a lot of things, but it isn’t good. I know not what the fuck you guys expected me to say. Stupid kids and hipster douchebags might like this, but that should have your alarm bells ringing. My name is Flemming and I’m outta here before I end up in tears. Shit. No, really. Shit. I better start drinking. I sense much pain ahead.
www.inverse.fi
