Ashes Of Chaos
Eye ()
Wydane przez Logic (Il)logic RecordsRok wydania Kraj ItalyNapisał Flemming Gabin7
Who would have thunk it? Chaos is now apparently no longer an abstract concept, but a solid, tangible object! An object that through exposure to fire is reductable to ashes. Oh, wow. Upon learning this new and exciting scientific factoid, next time I get a review request for a band like this, I’m going to pick me some chaos and throw it at their heads. Really hard. Anyway, Ashes Of Chaos is yet another progressive metal band from Italy, and the band consists of nobody you ever heard of. Was there a sale in this type bands recently? Where do all these fruitcakes come from? Geez, I know the country of Laura Pausini has its share of effeminate men. By Odin, this makes me ask the same question that that haggard and washed-up has-been Max Cavalera asked already two decades ago: “what is this shit?” Thankfully, Ashes Of Chaos is a little more adventurous (or is that schizophrenic? I am not sure), and there’s some actual metal to this progressive metal. Revolutionary concept, I know. What is it with these fucken emo vocals, tho? I’m sure there are bigger and smaller tits to fondle and fuck in the audience regardless if you use these heartbroken/teary-eyed vocal style or not. You are not Robert Lowe, or even that androgynous crybaby Chester Bennington. Even if you were, I would still fucken break your nose all the same, douchebag. It’s pompous, it’s bombastic, there is some actual metal – so I guess it ticks all the boxes people expect of this genre. This is a confused band, I can attest. Some songs sound like basic ideas Symphony X would jam on, others sound like fucken Linkin Park, or Lacuna Coil (minus Cristina Scabwhore) and thirdly, some lone cuts here and there sound like a snail paced version of Demon fucken Burger with plinking piano notes and digitized speech. Shagrath would be proud, fucko. So, yeah, these Italian men are ambitious, or incoherent. I can’t honestly decide which. At least it doesn’t sound cliché, and as cheesy and uniformly fucken fruity as this record is, I actually like it for that. Not for the fruitiness, but for it being unconventional and, well, adventurous. I don’t care how big the tits of your female singer are, who you conned into producing your stupid band, or how many gravity blasts and slams you put into your sorry record... if there is not a sense of ambition, or adventure – it means nothing me. “Eye” is that. Ambitious, adventurous. Oh sure, it is a bit incoherent at times too, or disjointed in terms of structure. Gotta take what you can get. Now excuse me, I’m going to stare at some Laura Pausini pictures some more. I can’t believe how fucken attractive she still is after all these years...
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