ENG
Blackdahlia - "Fragments"
2014 / cd
Metal Scrap Records
Italy
There are few things as laughter-inducing as black -, or gothic metal from Italy. It truly is the gift that keeps on giving. Odin knows that the only thing from Italy I'm remotely interested is Vera Clinco. You can always fucken wake me up for anything to do with her. Unlike the rest of you fucken brainless automatons I couldn't care less about Hour Of Penis, or whichever bunch of hard-drinking, long haired felons Sevared and Comatose offered a contract this week. Unlike you, I have actual, you know, fucken standards, and shit. No. Blackdahlia? Really? I mean, I suppose I fucken like Dalia Dayze as much as the next fucken guy, but I'm still fucken waiting for that duo shoot with Sam Bowden, and Raphaella Lily - or, like, Kelley Scarlett, what the fuck ever. Supposedly this is a combination of alternative, gothic and industrial metal, although I fucken struggle to hear any actual, you know, metal in this. Sure, there are guitars, and all - but is that the prerequisite for being labeled metal these days? At least this fucken band has the decency to rip off the good parts of Evanescence and that ridiculously catchy "Fallen" album. So, yeah. Blackdahlia apparently think they are gonna have a fucken radio hit with ‘Falling Down' (sadly not about that fucken great Michael Douglas movie), which appears not in one, but two (!!) versions on the record. Why even pretend with the whole fucken metal charade if you are a thinly veiled pop/rock band anyway? By Ruby Jones' tits, when are we finally gonna stop pretending here?! Oh, sure, the chica can sing, and she's kinda nice to look at - but why by Odin and The Old Goat's cloven hoof are you fruitcakes even fucken pretending to be a metal band?!! There are Machine Head records that are more metal than this. Apparently these guys listened really, really, really hard to Spanish band Innerfate (I don't care what you stupid fucks say, Mara is hot) and Lenore S. Fingers (Federica has more talent in her fucken pinky than the combined membership of this band). They completely ape Innerfate's plastic drum sound, but somehow do have a fucken ace bass guitar sound that I wish more fucken death metal bands would bother using. And for fuck's sake, lay it off with the fucken inane piano ballads. I like ‘My Immortal' just fine, but half an album of that is fucken stupid - even for the average, illiterate metalhead. Seriously. I'm not drunk enough to find any of shit funny.
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www.facebook.com/MetalScrapRecFlemming Gabin / 2 Szukaj więcej o Blackdahlia
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