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  • Acheronte - " Genesis Of Evil " (Italy)

    SBRT Records
    Black metal from Italy? It’s the joke that never grows old. If Handful Of Hate wasn’t enough to forever turn you away from Meditterranean black metal, this band certainly will. “Genesis Of Evil” is fucken generic, and about as necro, unholy and scary as a bag of meowing kittens. This sounds like “Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticim” Immortal with acidic vocals as on Mayhem’s “De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas”. You know, more like ancient death metal than actual, honest-to-Odin black metal. As a death metal record it is pretty tolerable, kinda like a better produced Old Funeral type deal. Yeah, you are a fucken idiot or hipster if you don’t know Old Funeral. The only track worth hearing is the title track, and the best fucken thing you could say about it is that it sounds like about, I dunno, a few hundred other bands currently ripping off Dark Funeral, Legion-era Marduk and Setherial. If that sounds like a recommendation to you, it is not. And in case it does, you need to have your head examined. The band photo is a complete hoot. Holy crap, dudes – this is almost as shitty as Handful Of Hate’s demo photo. One guy has an inverted cross painted on his forehead, the other guy has corpse paint almost identical to Abbath from Immortal (not exactly the fucken person to look up to). I wouldn’t be fucken surprised if these pieces of shit had their band photo taken in the basement of their parents’ restaurant cos this sounds like it was recorded in a basement. “Genesis Of Evil” is exactly as stupid and redundant as it title suggests, and there’s plenty of other stuff I could, no, should be doing right now. Like listening actual good music, or sending sweet messages to Vera Clinco, my Italian inamorata, from Caelestis. By Ruby Jones’ tits, I’m not nearly drunk enough to enjoy this – and even if I was, it wouldn’t change how fucken dreadful and unnecessary this band is. So yeah, this EP exists and you can buy it, if you are a masochist or a genre collector. Don’t expect to be fucken wowed, cos this shit puts me to sleep faster than Necrophagist. As if that was even fucken possible. Shit, dudes… comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 5
  • Black Path - " Dominion In Pain " (Greece)

    When you are involved with Cerebrum, probably the only Greek death metal worth remembering, why would anyone want to waste time fronting another band that sounds just like it? Kostas Mexis apparently, the guy currently fronting Cerebrum, also sings in this band – and that’s where the good news end. The rest of the band is made up of fucken nobodies. Not that Black Path is terrible or anything, this is competent groovy death metal with interesting leads/solos and funky bass lines. A lot of the time this sounds like Cerebrum lite. It is not nearly as technical, nor as fucken dynamic – but the general idea is the same, except that Cerebrum has a more interesting concept. Sure, these are skilled musicians especially bass guitarist Josh Bour deserves a mention. Did the world need this? Fuck knows there are a lot of really competent, entirely fucken faceless tech death metal bands all over the world, and we didn’t need one more. Odin knows that the technical death metal genre has lost a lot of its luster ever since every fucken hipster started forming their own band. Thankfully Black Path is better than most in the sense that they remember to write songs, and not fucken noodle endlessly like infamous wankers like Necrophagist, Brain Drill or Monumental Torment… I mostly like these ugly Greek men cos they remember the old values of the death metal genre. The songs prevail here. They aren’t especially memorable, dark or hateful – but at least there are songs. There’s no reason to rush out and buy this, but if that “support the underground” nonsense is important to you, I guess you could do a lot worse. If you like technical death metal like later Death, or pre-reunion Pestilence or those Dutch crazies from Polluted Inheritance, you’ll probably fucken love this as well. I personally like Natasha Anastasia and her big juicy boobs more than anything these ugly Greek men have committed to tape with this promo/EP, but I’m weird like that. Don’t take my word for it, tho. comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 6
  • Grace Disgraced - " Enthrallment Traced " (Russia)

    More Hate Productions
    Contrary to popular belief, in Russia there are actually young girls that aren’t involved in porn or adult entertainment. One of them is Polina Berezko, and she has the kind of grunt that combines the best of Rachel Heyzer-van Mastrigt, Corinne van den Brandt and Maria Kolokouri. Grace Disgraced play the sort of pulverizing death/thrash that was popular in the 90s. One part pre-“Human” Death, one part pre-“Vile” Cannibal Corpse and the rest of the time this really fucken reminds me of “Consuming Impulse” era Pestilence or those early Thanatos records. The band consists of nobody you ever heard of, and nobody you will probably ever hear of – except for drummer Andrew Ischenko, who has played for or done session work with everybody from Blaze fucken Bayley to Scrambled Defuncts. The bass-heavy production is deliciously old school, and Odin fucken knows that there are few underground metal bands these days that seem to fucken understand that. I guess some of this is technical, but the majority of it is just very groovy and headbangeable death metal. Hey, a couple of solos wouldn’t have hurt. Not that I’m complaining. Just fucken saying. At least you can hear the bass guitar, and the drums don’t sound like a fucken typewriter, for which I am thankful. By Ruby Jones’ tits, this is actually pretty good stuff, and it seems to hit about every box of a non-stupid, non-trendy throwback death metal record. The artwork is pretty cool, which was apparently rendered by one Mark Cooper. I fucken feared it would be another mushy Jon Zig “creation”, but this is actually tons better. Better than the horribly overrated Zig, Toshiro Egawa and/or Pär Olofsson. I don’t care what you assholes say, their shit is fucken overrated and shitty. Anyway, so Grace Disgraced do this genre pretty well, and if it wasn’t for the pictures in the booklet, you’d be hardpressed to fucken notice that this band is fronted by a girl. Still contemplate about writing a few solos in your songs for your next album, you crazy Russians. It would really fucken help making these songs stand out more. Apparently there’s more to Russia than retarded wiggerslam, horrible pagan/folk metal and cheap adult models. If this is the state of Russian underground metal, sign me up for more. comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Last Fear - " Incidents " (Holland)

    Ten years ago my manager received a promo of these Dutchies. I don’t exactly fucken remember what he said about it at the time, but I remember him liking it enough to bother occasionally checking out what the band was up to. “Incidents” arrives after what seems like a fucken small eternity, and now Last Fear is fronted by this blonde girl Lisa Leerkamp. Lisa looks like the average party girl: blonde hair, luscious lips, a firm pair of big boobs -- she probably loves hard drinking and headbanging too. The lay-out is actually fucken superb, with the entire record being approached as a newspaper clipping with each song representing an article. Anyway, there’s three people singing so it’s hard to tell exactly who sings what. So yeah, this is technical death metal. Thank fucken Odin it is the listenable kind. It has a bit of everything: the mechanical grinding of Fleshgrind, the more melodic leanings of Death, the kind of intensity of old fucken Deeds Of Flesh. Oh yeah, there’s plenty of really fucken good solo’ing. Another fucken thing what Last Fear seems to understand is the importance of the bass guitar. You can actually fucken hear it throb and pop away, which in itself is a fucken rarity in underground metal, especially death metal. One of the good things about Last Fear is that they are old school in mindset. What the fuck does that mean? It means that they aren’t nearly as singleminded as some of the younger bands in this genre tend to be. They do a bit of everything and don’t exclusively base their songwriting around fucken sweep picking, bass drops, breakdowns or I know what. No. Thankfully these guys and girl realize there’s more to death metal than playing really, really fast and difficult. Geez. Apparenlty songwriting still exists in the underground. Who knew? I sure as fucken hell had given up on it ever since the explosion of really fucken wretched technical death metal bands that all can play their instruments really well, but couldn’t write a fucken song if their pathetic piece of shit lives depended on it. Not so with this band. Whether we have Luscious Lisa to thank for that I’ll leave in the middle. “Incidents” will hardly reinvent the genre, but I wish I heard more of this stuff than all those beyond horrible one-track mind bands. comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 8
  • Raven X - " Essence Without Light " (USA)

    Bat Zuge Records
    Raven X is an American gothic/death metal band. Is there even such a fucken thing as a honest-to-Odin good US gothic metal band, let alone one that mixes it with death metal? The last time I heard such a thing was with the beyond fucken awful 13 Winters and I’m still having nightmares about that. Oh yeah, there was Echoes Of Eternity, or Francine Has Really Big Tits as this band should have been called – we all fucken know that is the reason why that band ever was able to put out a record, or two. Anyway, so Raven X apparently hails from Cleveland, Ohio which makes me fucken wonder why they didn’t record at Mars Recording Compound with Bill Korecky. As you can fucken imagine this band is fronted by a twenty something girl insisting on being called Nÿx, and she has the kind of serpentine rasp that recalls Cadaveria (ex-Opera IX), and absolutely fucken wretched clean vocals. The production is all sorts of crappy with plastic sounding digital drums that make Mortician’s drum programming sound good in comparison. The guitar tone is admittedly crunchy, but strangely floats around it, but never fucken connects with the drumming. Granted, the guy can play a solo if he sets his mind to it, but most of it is chugging like it’s 1994. I’m sure there’s a bass guitar in this somewhere too, but I’m pretty damn fucken certain they mixed it so low as they did with Bennie Fors in Dark Funeral. The tempo is pretty low too. This is the type of music that Armi Päivinen can write three times a week, when she’s drunk on sparkly wine, or feeling horny – and still beat this American duo with one hand tied behind her back. The idea is actually pretty commendable, the execution is just fucken lacking. Not that I don’t wish this guy and girl the best of fucken luck, I absolutely do – but this would be ideal for a pre-production demo, but not as a fucken finished product. The acoustic stuff is absolutely fucken beautiful in execution and production, but the metal parts are amateuristic and fucken abysmal. There’s no two ways about it. Hopefully Raven X can learn from this experience and bolster their fucken strengths and write a good album. The writing isn’t that much of a problem (besides having typical demo band failings), the production work just needs to be reassembled and finetuned. This is not it. Hence the fucken rating. http://www.batzugerecords.com/ comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 5
  • Amputated - " Dissect, Molest, Ingest " (UK)

    Sevared Records
    Amputated got amputated, and I’m not even kidding when I fucken say this. This used to be “that other band from Ollie Jones of Desecration”. Anyway, so nobody from the old line-up is in the band anymore – in their stead we now got most of Caiaphas, a metalcore band naming itself after that legendary hack from Norwegian-Italian melodic black metal band Ancient. To say that I wasn’t expecting much based on that information would be a fucken understatement. So yeah, this is released on Sevared Records so it isn’t very fucken surprising that this sounds like a cheap Cannibal Corpse/Suffocation and Fleshgrind knockoff. That sort of fucken shit is expected at this point. “Dissect, Molest, Ingest” might sound like the most characterless, colorless death metal title, but at least the record is solid enough. Not exactly spectacular, cos this is Sevared Records after all, but for a knockoff this could have been far fucken worse. It ticks all the boxes you expect: goofy “gory” artwork, inane songtitles and the typical amount of slams that glue sniffing stupid kids love and gravity blasts so they can call this “technical”. The production is fairly typical in its clinical dryness. The kickdrums sound fucken impotent, but at least the guitar tone is crunchy. The vocals are fucken pretty good too, way better than the living toilet ‘Morbid’ Mark Pearce, but nowhere near as good as Ollie Jones. Of course, since this is Sevared Records going in expecting guitar solos, varied songwriting or intelligence is fucken futile and pointless. Frankly, I’m glad that this record doesn’t even reach the 40 minute mark cos that would be fucken boring. “Dissect, Molest, Ingest” is one of the better Sevared Records releases – but that isn’t saying much of anything. Anything is better a Sevared Records release. Just fucken saying. If you are new to underground death metal, or are a big fan of mid-tier drab like Mortal Decay or Suture you’ll probably find Amputated “the best fucken thing, brah” – but I’m not new to death metal, nor am I a fucken fan of Mortal Decay or Suture, and there are far better records in this genre if you know where to look. I suggest you fucken search these albums out, instead of wasting your time with shit like this. This isn’t exactly shitty, but it isn’t exactly good either. It exists and you can buy it, if you still believe that “support the underground” nonsense. This could have been far worse, but that doesn’t make it a fucken recommendation. These guys are British, but that is as far as the good news goes. http://www.sevared.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 6
  • Bleeding Fist - " Death’s Old Stench " (Slovenia)

    Moribund Records
    There is more Slovenia than Nina Spruk and her bountiful mounds. Bleeding Fist has been stinking up the airwaves for the last decade, and “Death’s Old Stench” contains unreleased material recorded between 2011 and 2013. It is no fucken surprise that this compilation was put together, cos most of the songs here sound nothing like Bleeding Fist’s usual chaotic, rumbling nuclear black/thrash metal. And Hellscream does some clean vocals and spoken parts even! Imagine the reaction of the necro purists! Anyway, Bleeding Fist is it usual bestial self. The production is actually pretty fucken tolerable for once, although the drums still sound like they were recorded in a fucken basement. For some fucken reason there was a lot of fucken man-drama and half the band left apparently, which is probably why we got this compilation of odds and ends. At least we got Cvinger out of the deal, and they sound almost identical to old Bleeding Fist. As I understand it Bleeding Fist is now half Italian, mostly due to the new rhythm section of some dude behind the drums and a chica on guitars. You probably wouldn’t be able to tell that the guitarist is a chica cos of the goofy corpse paint and gas masks, but at least you know now. She calls herself Jex, so yeah. I don’t if she ever takes her top off. Who the fuck knows?! What was I talking about? Oh yeah, that most of the songs here sound nothing like Bleeding Fist, and that’s okay. Bleeding Fist is fucken silly anyway, the good kind of silly. Half of the fucken time I think I’m listening to a much slower Ancient Rites, circa “The Diabolical Serenades”. Usually compilations are fucken useless and an easy moneygrabbing technique used by soulless labels, but at least Moribund put some time and effort in compiling this. So yeah, not exactly fucken mandatory or essential to your Bleeding Fist record collection, but at least it is a worthwhile effort. Now let’s hope Hellscream can keep it in his pants, and that he doesn’t sexually assault Jex so we can have a new Bleeding Fist sooner rather than later. Just fucken saying. Stay necro! comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Crucifliction - " Heresy Is Met With Fire " (Canada)

    Canada is a strange fucken country. It is home to Avril Lavigne, but also to fucken Bryci and Katie Banks. I’m also pretty fucken sure they need an entire province just to house Flo Mournier’s insurmountable ego. If it wasn’t enough that we already fucken got Newfoundland’s Category VI, Vancouver brings out another strong traditional metal unit with Crucifliction. What? Yeah, dude, I had to read the name twice too cos it is so fucken silly. The band doesn’t really sing about anti-religious stuff, or about conflict – so why they fucken chose that name is beyond me. The music is pretty solid, tho. Not exactly spectular or anything, but pretty good enough. Instead of sounding like a gay metalcore band (fuck you Into Eternity!), this sounds like a muscular old Iron Maiden record, or a good Iced Earth record (yeah, that was fucken twenty years ago, alright). It also helps that this record has pumping bass lines and some good solo’ing. I guess what makes this record is appealing is that caters to a different aspect of traditional metal. Whereas Into Eternity has all trappings of modern day metalcore, Category VI has that upbeat Iron Maiden feel, Crucifliction is more gritty going more for that “Kill ‘Em All” feel rather than, say, “The Number Of the Beast”. The songs are pretty fucken straightforward, and there’s not a one epic track worth mentioning. The vocals are acquired fucken taste, but if Sean Killian was able to briefly have a career in metal, so can this guy. The artwork is totally amazing, and it would have looked even better if it had been done by Ed fucken Repka. At least I’m fucken thankful that it wasn’t more of that awful mushy shit by Jon Zig. So yeah, “Heresy Is Met With Fire” is a pretty good record, not especially memorable or amazing, but pretty good in its own right. I still prefer Amanda Marie Gosse over this any day of the week, but I’m weird like that. Just fucken saying… comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Fear of Domination - " Distorted Delusions " (Finland)

    Inverse Records/Domination Music
    In case you are one of the three people that really liked Demon Burger’s “Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia” – you might actually really fucken love Fear Of Domination, cos this sounds just like it. Well, minus Nick Barker, the orchestra and Shagrath’s tired old croaks. “Distorted Delusions” is album numero three for this bunch of painted Finnish clowns, and I can’t fucken say it made me stand up and take notice. Not that anything of it is particularly bad, or embarrassing. It is just so spectacularly uneventful, and unexciting outside of a few guitar acrobatics here and there. Oh sure, this would probably have been released by Nuclear Blast, Spinefarm or Century Media back in 2000 – but not even that can save this industrial band of mediocrity and irrelevance. The fact that they hail from Finland, the land of Armi Päivinen, is one thing – but it is hardly a thing that matters. For fucken reals, tho. This band chugs like it’s 1994, and the metal elements are kinda secondary when fucken push comes to shove. It’s not something I choose to listen to when I can have Herrschaft and Jessy Christ screaming like a demon possessed. This fucken shit is so vanilla it hurts. And the fucken cheesy ballads! By fucken Odin, make it stop already. I guess this will be appealing to the average Static-X fan, but those of us who have actual standards (or taste, and common sense) gave up on industrial metal ever sounding actually good again. Mysticum did it in the mid 90s, but that fucken ship sailed long ago. Oh sure, fuck you too, last year there was that Lyfthrasyr album that was halfway decent, but how much is that saying exactly? Not much, right. “Distorted Delusions” compiles every imaginable industrial metal cliché and cranks them up to 11. It’s hardly memorable, or worth staying awake for. Odin knows that the only thing that remotely appealed to me were the female guest vocals, especially those in ‘Needle’. And guess what? It’s band from Finland, so Inverse Records HAD to release it. I swear if something comes from Finland, the land of Armi Päivinen, and it isn’t death – or black metal then it’s a statistic probability that it will be god fucken awful, and Fear Of Domination (like Dead End Finland and Magenta Harvest before them) is no fucken exception. Where do they keep finding these bands, and who the fuck buys this shit? Go die in a fire, or something. Geez. I could be doing productive things right now. Like talking to Armi Päivinen, or watching some videos. Right. http://www.inverse.fi comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 5
  • Horizon Ablaze - " Dodsverk " (Norway)

    Code666 Records/Aural Music
    The big selling point according to the label is that is a band “featuring members of 1349, Absu and Blood Red Throne.” Sure, it does feature Shandy McKay (formerly of Absu, but hardly part of the classic line-up of that band) and the only Blood Red Throne member involved is new recruit Ole Bent Madsen. Who? Exactly. The guy famous for replacing the original and far more accomplished bass guitarist Erlend Caspersen is in this band from Kristiansand too. Where the whole 1349 angle comes from I don’t know, but who honestly the fuck cares at this point? 1349 are fucken dreadful anyway. Supposedly this is a “Nihilistic Apocalypse of Molten Extreme Metal” – I don’t know what that is supposed to mean, but this sounds a lot like technical black metal to me. If old Enslaved (pre-“Mardraum”) decided to play technical death metal and throw in some old Neurosis, or something. I can definitely fucken see why stupid kids would go all kinds of crazy about this. “Dodsverk” is actually pretty good. Something I could listen to again after I review it. The jazz intro to ‘Domt til Frihet’ is totally pointless and besides showing how “open minded” and “eccentric” these fucks are it has no function. So what is this exactly? A band that plays death metal with black metal techniques and throws in some half-hearted sludge metal ideas to appeal to hipsters and stupid kids. Granted, it is not nearly as imbelicic as the label makes it out to be, but that isn’t a compliment either. More than anything Horizon Ablaze is made up of competent musicians stuck playing a creatively dead genre, and no amount of wank or theatricality is going to be able to hide that. Sure, the bassist isn’t half bad, but he’s only famous cos of the guy he replaced. This is a fucken confused bunch that can’t decide what the fuck it wants to be: a jazz band, an acoustic folk rock band, a somewhat technical death metal band or a typical Norwegian black metal act. It does a bit of everything, and that typically results in an album that labels fall over themselves to label “progressive” and “atmospheric” while most of the fucken time it just is a combination of fucken generic metal genres in order to appeal to as many different audiences as possible. Close, but no fucken cookie. Come back when you decide what you wanna be. Unlike you pieces of shit, I have better stuff to do. http://www.code666.net comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 6
  • Arch Enemy - " War Eternal " (Sweden/USA)

    Century Media Records
    Does anybody still care about this joke of a band? For reals? Never mind that Michael Amott hasn’t written a good album in the last, I dunno, 15 years. Oh wait. This fucken band was never about the music anyway. No. It’s all about empowerment… and gimmicks. Never mind that not even a good vocalist can fucken safe this trainwreck of a band. And then Mike hires this Hot Topic wench? Of all the fucken possibilities they enlist the most generic, toothless and inoffensive frontwoman the scene currently has to offer?! By Odin, they should have hired Sawa. Not only does Sawa have a bigger vocal range, she has enormous pale tattooed boobs too. That would have required Alissa’s Titties to have integrity and artistic fucken merit, which Odin knows has been absent in this band for well over a decade now. Not that I’m complaining, at least Alissa White-Gluz is easy on the eyes, but her fucken grunt is as powerless, plastic and inert as Mauricio Iacono’s. At this point I don’t fucken know which band is worse: Arch Enemy or Kataklysm. At least they didn’t fucken kid where they hired White-Gluz for. Shut up and look pretty. This isn’t a metal video, that thing they did for ’War Eternal’ - it’s Alissa auditioning for one of those Wank It Now videos with her "come-hither" glances and fuck-me boots. At this point it is safe to say that Alissa’s Titties is no longer a metal band, but wank material for Hot Topic posers, and stupid kids alike. I don’t know about you, but the last Arch Enemy I stayed awake for was “Heartwork”, and people keep fucken telling me that was a Bill & Jeff’s Excellent Retirement Plan record, but that’s a different discussion. Then again, do people even fucken bother with Alissa’s Titties cos of their music? There are fucken Machine Head records that are more worthwhile. Alissa should embrace her inner stripper, and finally get it fucken over with. Stop pretending to be a singer, and take your clothes off already. Odin knows you want to. Speaking of which, at least Sawa has taken her top off, and her vocals are far better than White-Gluz’. For once the cover artwork doesn’t look like a fucken video game, which is a start. “Khaos Legions” was a lot of things (it was mostly fucken terrible), but it wasn’t the soundtrack to Killzone. The artwork is perfectly suitable for this fucken joke of a band, tho. A bunch of pigs surrounding a faceless central figurine holding a deformed infant. Seriously, at this point the jokes write them-fucken-selves. ‘War Eternal’? That’s the best this bunch of burnt out has-beens could come up with? What’s the next album gonna be called, “Left with Nothing”? Call it a day already, you bunch of fucken faggots. http://www.centurymedia.com comment it (1) Flemming Gabin / 4
  • Gorgasm - " Destined to Violate " (USA)

    New Standard Elite
    Remember Gorgasm? Yeah, that relic from the 90s Chicago death metal scene that nobody really cared about. Kinda like Fleshgrind, Lust Of Decay and Lividity. They always were around, but apparently nobody bought their records. So yeah, you know the story. Gorgasm formed in 1994, released a bunch of stuff that nobody really paid attention to, and packed their shit up in 2004. At some point these old men relocated to Lafayette, Indiana and hired about a third of Human Filletted, a band that sounded exactly like Gorgasm. Anyway, “Destined to Violate” is the first for their new label New Standard Elite, which is rapidly becoming what Unique Leader Records was in the early 2000s: home to all decent second-tier bands, and the occasional good new band. As usual there are the movie samples to introduce some of the songs, and as expected they are fucken annoying and tiring. Seriously, can we finally stop doing this? It wasn’t funny when Mortician did it in 1996, and is certainly isn’t fucken funny now. Geez. At least these old men remember that solo’ing is a good thing, and that it isn’t a requirement to blast at any and all times. I wish more bands were like this. For fucken reals. How hard can it be to do death metal right these days? For some reason these guys have issues with the wimminz, which either means they never got the fangirls they wanted, or touched a boob really late in life. Who the fucks knows, or cares at this point? It is uncanny how much this looks and sounds like an early Unique Leader product: old band, modern sound, Jon Zig cover “artwork” and a crunchy, sleek production job. Makes you wonder why suspicious bald man Erik Lindmark ever decided to sell his soul to the almight dollar, and signed dumb shit like Acrania, Fallujah, Halo Of Gunfire and the entirely awful Onion Rings Of Saturn. You know, half of the artist roster at this point. Gorgasm was on Unique Leader once too, back when that used to mean something. Anyway, I hope Gorgasm shoot a music video for this album, and that they hire Larkin Love to strut her stuff in that. So yeah, Gorgasm has a new record. Supposedly folks care about that. http://newstandardelite.bandcamp.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Grace Disgraced - " The Primal Cause: Womanumental " (Russia)

    More Hate Productions/Code 7/Season Of Mist
    That Polina Berezko is at it again, and while the rest of Russia continues to fucken delude itself into thinking slam-death, and pagan/folk metal are worthwhile, she knows better. Seriously, Polina’s band owns the classic 90s death metal sound to a fault. Fucken bass-heavy, melodic, dark and ominous sounding with decipherable grunts and incredible guitar leads/solos. Holy fucken shit, dudes. I don’t care which fucken terrible retro-death metal is hot this week. Grace Disgraced is death metal, pure and simple. And our Polina? She’s grunting and growling her heart out. Sure, she might not be as fucken deep and intelligible as whatever dumb fuck discovered Matti Way this week, but “fucken br00dle and fucken sick, brah” is hardly what I consider fucken important, or good. I don’t care how fucken brutal, or heavy your band is. Come back to me when you know how to fucken write a song, asshat. Grace Disgraced write songs, great ones even. Not only that. “The Primal Cause” has a narrative about female empowerment, or something. I dunno. I don’t know who they based the girl on the cover on, but that’s some fucken random epic cleavage that would make Katerina Bardo envious. Just fucken saying. Anyway, these 7 songs are really fucken long, and filled with all sorts of interesting dynamics and tempo changes – and you won’t mind that Polina is constantly screaming her lungs out at you. I hear mid-era Death, “Tomb Of the Mutilated” Cannibal Corpse, “Ego Art” Altar and pre-“Spheres” Pestilence in a lot of this, but that could just be me. Oh yeah, did I mention that the bass guitar features really, really, really prominently in the mix here? Cos it does, and I’m fucken glad that somebody finally got the memo. The bass guitar and the kickdrums sound really fucken massive here. About as massive as Bardo’s chest, just saying. I get so tired of all these fucken plastic, sterile and bass-less death metal that has been really fucken popular for the last, I dunno, fucken 15 years or so. I mostly blame Origin, cos they are fucken stupid and overrated. Polina even briefly talks in ‘Panacea’ before doing her serpentine rasp/grunt, which is all sorts of sexy. There are some sounds effects, one track opens with tribal drumming and another has vocoder vocals – so “The Primal Cause” has a bit of everything. I didn’t, like, pay attention to the lyrics cos I can’t stop fucken staring at the ginormous cleavage of the chick on the cover, but I hope the story continues over the next record, or, like, whatever. Anyway, next to Scrambled Defuncts this is the only Russian death metal band worth paying attention to. Yeah. http://morehate.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 8
  • Inhuman Remnants - " Inattentional Blindness " ep 2014 (Australia)

    Eschatonic Records
    Inhuman Remnants from Australia has only recently released its second EP titled ‘Inattentional Blindness’. This arachnoid-obsessed brutal death metal band is breaking conventions, completely eschewing the typical Suffocation or Cannibal Corpse school of music and is concocting its own brand of death metal. The music is extremely catchy, riff-oriented instead of emphasizing on speed or brutality, and there’s even room given for melodies to work their magic. It sounds too good to be true. What you have here essentially is brutal death metal that is also progressive in its thinking. Littered in the album are soaring leads and melodies alternating with massive deep growls and that’s not all – there’s this ridiculously fast drum machine-esque blasting which beggars belief. It’s reminiscent of The Berzerker in its insane speed and consistency. But the drummer doesn’t overdo it and saves this kind of eight-legged double bass drum blasting for special moments. The music is a complex beast to understand despite clear emphasis given on all aspects. There’s so much happening and in an overblown way almost, that it’s shocking. Plus there are those thunderous thuds, amplifying the earth-trembling heaviness this band possesses. All put together, this is a fearsome album. All four songs are varied and have their own special moments coupled with memorable riffing. Usually it’s either one aspect – those standout moments or distinct and catchy riffing – but Inhuman Remnants manages to take the best of all worlds, quite literally, and puts it all together on this stunning little EP.
    It’s certainly forward-thinking and better than the underrated first EP ‘Anathema’. It remains to be seen how effective this band can be on a full length platform – that will be the real test of the music’s consistency which the band needs to work on. The fluctuating heaviness shouldn’t be the case normally and you’d have brutality going hand-in-hand with variations including leads like Gortuary from US, but Inhuman Remnants doesn’t let your attention wane or lose the appeal because it’s constantly up to something phenomenal. It’s simply surprisingly how casually it incorporates all of the elements and takes it a notch higher than the standard bands in terms of speed (momentarily however), melodies and lastly, heaviness. If only it can retain the brutality while exploring the music and its myriad facets, it would truly be astonishing. This is no simple album – much effort seems to have gone in making the music stand out in all possible ways, and it does. comment it (0) Kunal Choksi / 9
  • Insulters - " We Are the Plague " (Spain)

    Unholy Prophecies Productions
    More drunken black/thrash! From Spain this time, and unlike Pervertor – it doesn’t blow! Who knew... So this band features the drummer from Graveyard (the Spanish death metal band, not that hipster stoner band), and while it can hardly be called original, at least these guys know how to write a good song. Holy fucken crap, dudes. I’m not sure what the fuck they put in the water in Spain cos these guys have no fucken reason to be this pissed. Warm, sunny weather, half-naked girls all year round and an economy fueled by overspending tourists. Apparently these guys really hate religion for some reason, and they are equal opportunists in targeting religions. So yeah, this sounds really fucken close to Italy’s Necromessiah and that fucking "Antiklerikal Terroristik Death Squad" record they did – but better written and more competently played. Whether that’s a compliment is fucken up to debate, but there you have it. This record wastes no time, and just keeps thrashing on without much respite, or variation. Half of it sounds like "Scream Bloody Gore" Death, and the other half is your standard drunken black/thrash metal. Not that I’m complaining. I’d rather listen to another Gospel Of the Horns or Deströyer 666 knockoff than another Sevared Records or Comatose Music release. It’s all about fucken priorities, dudes. "We Are the Plague" is the good kind of retro metal. Conscious of its roots and where the genre came from. It doesn’t inspire a lot of fucken replayability, but what does these days? The production has that old Sunlight grime and earthiness, and also something of that old Morrisound thickness. Exactly the kind of shit I love. A fucken concrete and crunchy production job for a dark and hateful sounding genre. Thank fucken Odin there’s none of that plastic crap that uglies up so many fucken modern "death" metal record these days. Anyway, so yeah, Insulters. Stupid name. Good album. Do you know what would make this record even better? If they shot a video with Eli Tetona – but I’m just rambling now. This is the way death metal is supposed to sound. I’m not expecthing you girls to like this, but I’m not obliging you to read my blog either. So fuck you if this is "too raw" for your delicate taste. I’m loving it, and that’s the most important. http://unholyprophecies.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Miserable Failure - " Hope " ep (France)

    Kaotoxin Records
    By Odin... Remember when I fucken said that the singer from Calvaiire should join a grindcore band? Somebody apparently must have read that memo cos Miserable Failure is exactly that: a grindcore band with hardcore vocals. Holy crap, this shit just fucken rocks. This is exactly the kind of shit I love. Miserable Failure sounds a fucken lot like "Inhale/Exhale" Nasum, "Scum" era Napalm Death, Exit Wounds, Kill the Client, early Brutal Truth and shit like that. I’m actually surprised that this isn’t fucken released by Nailjar Records, cos they have a habit of finding exactly this kind of rabid, and utterly fucken relentless grindcore. For one thing, these Frenchies don’t fuck around. Holy crap, dudes. This EP is over before you know it, and this band whacks you around the head so fast you hardly fucken know what happened. This is some seriously fucken pissed off grindcore. It’s kinda hard to say a lot about this EP. It’s four songs, barely four minutes in total length. For second, when was the last fucken time you heard a record that didn’t outstay its welcome or pretended to be something it was not? Exactly. This bunch of angry Frenchies doesn’t pretend to be anything but what they are. No bullshit, no fucken pretense. They just want to fucken rip your head off, and toss it across the street. These four songs blast by at such a fucken breakneck pace that you hardly fucken know what hit you. Miserable Failure is anything but a failure, they are the best fucken thing I’ve heard in this genre in a long while. Who knew that the country of Audrey Tatou, Gojira and Massacra had killer grind? You learn something fucken new every day. For fucken reals, this is the best French grind since Inhumate – and they have been around since... well, forever. I hope these French croissants are writing a full album right fucken now, cos the world needs more pissed off grind to scare away the hipsters and stupid kids. By Odin. It’s been too long since grindcore sounded this awesome. I don’t care what you assholes like this week, whatever you are listening to right now is shit compared to this. Lay down that bong, and do something productive. Order this EP and have your head ripped off. http://www.kaotoxin.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 8
  • Morfin - " Inoculation " (USA)

    FDA Rekotz
    Morfin sound a lot like Death. I mean, really a fucken lot. "Inoculation" sounds a lot like the bastard offspring of "Spiritual Healing", "From Beyond", "The Ten Commandments" and "Cause Of Death". It kinda begs the question why FDA decided to sign this band when they had Skeletal Remains on the roster already. Not that I’m complaining. Morfin fucken rocks, and Odin fucken knows this is the closest we’ll ever come to genuine pure death metal. And that’s what this record fucken is. Pure. Unspoiled. This is death metal, plain and simple. You wouldn’t want to believe how much of a fucken breather it is to hear a band play one style well, and not mingle it with shit it doesn’t fucken need. Holy crap, dudes. Odin knows that death metal has gotten really stupid in the last 15 years, but thanks to bands like Morfin I’m not yet writing this joke of a genre off. And this is from California no less, by a bunch of long-haired Latinos with names like Gonzalez, Hernandez and Romero. I guess there still are good Cali death metal bands next to Embryonic Devourment, Banishment, Sadistic Intent and Skeletal Remains. Who the fuck knew, right? Oh sure, the artwork is silly, and the album would have been better off with a painting from Ed Repka, Michael Whelan or Dan Seagrave – but considering how good this record is I’m gonna give a fucken pass on the amateuristic artwork. It even has an instrumental bass solo. For fucken reals. The vocals have more of that old Pestilence vibe, you know, back when Pestilence was actually still fucken worthwhile. "Malleus Maleficarum" is what the fuck is sounds closest to, vocally. Oh sure, there are the typical first record defects. Some of the songs just take way too fucken long to make their point, and some of the vocals aren’t equally convincing, and sometimes the songs just wander around with no clear idea of where to go – but these are small qualms considering the things this record does right. Fuck knows death metal gets more fucken retarded and stupid each year that passes, so I’m fucken thankful to have a band like this. It isn’t doing anything new, but what it does with the genre is at least worthwhile and commendable. "Inoculation" knows what it is and where it came from, which isn’t what you can say about most modern day death metal. Sign me up for more of this shit. This rocks. http://fda-rekotz.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Omnizide - " Death Metal Holocaust " (Sweden)

    Carnal Records
    Apparently Bennie Fors (B-Force) woke up from his drunken stupor one day and realized that being the bass guitarist in Dark Funeral was as useful as being the male singer in a Boob Metal band. Instead of forming that long overdue band of ex-Dark Funeral and ex-Marduk members, Omnizide is made up of people I have never fucken heard of. The guitarist from Avsky is in this, and some guy from a band called Craft is on vocals. Instead of being fucken alpha and recruiting Paul Mäkitalo (Themgoroth) as vocalist and Fredrik Andersson (ex-Marduk) on drums this band went for the humble unknowns. This band would probably still be unheard of if it weren’t for Fors getting off his fat ass and playing his bass in this band. Anyway, the vocals remind me of fucken Bleeding Fist more than anything, and Omnizide itself has more of an Australian war-metal type sound. It’s not quite as out of control and violent, nor as thrashy – but I suppose it comes close enough. I’m not sure why they named this album "Death Metal Holocaust" cos it’s more of a black/thrash metal album than anything. The label and Metal-Archives agree on this being "black/death metal", so who am I to disagree? Anyway, these guys dress up in the usual leather get-ups and indiscriminately use corpse paint, so I guess they are black metal when it comes to it. As was expected, I can’t hear much of the bass guitar despite it being played by Dark Funeral’s most famous fattie. Maybe that’s too necro and kvlt for these black metal types, who the fuck knows, right? Although this band has a track called ‘No Remorse’ it isn’t a cover of that old great Metallica tune. So yeah, this is pretty good stuff considering there’s only guy who has been able to live off his music for a few years. "Death Metal Holocaust" might not be the best thing in the genre right now, but considering the amount of shit the black/thrash metal genre has brough forth in recent years this is actually pretty good. It isn’t something you haven’t heard before, and the only reason why people will bother checking this band out is Fors anyway. Hopefully they’ll finetune their sound a bit by the time the next album rolls around. Who knows? http://www.facebook.com/Carnalrecords.sweden comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • The Wakedead Gathering - " The Gate and the Key " (USA)

    Aeternitas Tenebrarum Musicae Fundamentum
    Name me one good one-man death metal band, and I’ll name you five that are absolutely fucken atrocious. The Wakedead Gathering is the band of Andrew Lampe, and while it is a one-man project, I’m as fucken surprised as you were that this doesn’t completely fucken blow. Holy shit, dudes. I’m actually fucken surprised that death metal like this is still being made. Fuck knows that metalheads are a fiercely stupid bunch, and with the ongoing popularity of retro-death metal revival movement I’m fucken happy to have a record like this. The Wakedead Gathering plays pure death metal, and that’s about it. It’s sometimes technical, sometimes atmospheric – but most of the time it is fucken dark and hateful sounding. "The Gate and the Key" is a fucken traditional record, pillaging various wells of mostly American bands. At least Lampe knows his fucken classics cos this band pillages from the best, including but not limited to early Incantation, Immolation, Death and Autopsy. I don’t know about you fucken assholes, but that’s some boss death metal right there. And the vocals? They are totally like Daniel Corchado era Cenotaph. The drumming is fucken primal, and this album oozes bass-heaviness. Sometimes the riffing wanders into "Spheres" era Pestilence territory, but that’s hardly a bad thing. Apparently this is another record inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, and it has some of the trappings of being a one-man band – but on the whole this record fucken slays. This actually sounds like a full band, and while some ideas needed some rewriting (or input from a different member) at least this record remembers the old values of death metal. This record doesn’t fucken blast endlessly, it doesn’t continually slam and doesn’t noodle. No. This is a very dark and earthen sounding death metal album. Cold, ominous, uncaring. It combines the fucken monstrous darkness of Incantation with the dissonance of early Immolation, the musicality of Death and the funereal atmosphere of early Autopsy. This record is anything but modern. It is traditional to the fucken bone. For fucken reals, you need to pick up this record now if you value good death metal. I’m surprised that Aeternitas Tenebrarum Musicae Fundamentum picked this band, seeing how they usually sign black metal. Not that I’m complaining. "The Gate and the Key" is an amazing record. If all current day death metal was like this, it would be 1994 and not 2014. http://www.atmf.net comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 8
  • Cancerous Womb - " Born Of A Cancerous Womb " 1cd 2014 (UK)

    Grindscene Records/Rising Nemesis Records
    How does a band consisting of former Cerebral Bore members sound? Like Cerebral Bore. The reason why anybody still talks about Cerebral Bore was this little girl called Simone Pluijmers – and her exit from that band was more infamous than her presence in it. Anyway, so yeah, “Born Of A Cancerous Womb” sounds a lot like “The Bleeding” era Cannibal Corpse and early fucken Skinless. This is actually a pretty fun little record. Overproduced to all hell and I could fucken do without the Pantera riffs and deathcore rhythms/chord progressions, but for death metal in the 21st century – this could have been far, far worse. There’s a lot of Deicide in the riffing too, whether that’s a good thing is up for fucken debate, but it is worth pointing out. You can hear the bass guitar too, which is always a fucken rarity in underground death metal. Just fucking saying. There’s two things I absolutely fucken hate in the underground: a bass guitar that you can’t hear, and fucken typewriter drums. These guys might look like violent soccer hooligans, but at least they got the production right. This is hardly a mandatory release, and anybody telling you otherwise is a fucken clueless idiot, but that aside this is a fun little record that doesn’t make any pretenses about what it is. ‘Hunted To Extinction’ and ‘Grind, Tear & Slice’ probably are the best songs on this record; the first has a great fucken solo too. ‘Austrian Basement’ is a song about Austrian horror opi Josef Fritzl, and its lyrical concept is more interesting than the actual music. So yeah, Cancerous Womb is hardly reinventing the wheel here, but that’s a good thing. This is super cleanly produced death metal for bros and jocks with enough appeal to actual death metal fans as well. Sure, it isn’t going to dethrone any of the real classics, but what the fuck is these days? Some label signed these guys, so they must be doing something right. The long and short of it is that “Born Of A Cancerous Womb” is far more tolerable than most contemporary death metal, which is a fucken relief cos most of it is terrible these days. And if you think Cerebral Bore were all “revolutionary” for having some blonde flat-chested Dutch broad on vocals, you seriously need to look into your death metal history. For fucken reals. http://www.cancerouswomb.com; www.facebook.com/cancerouswomb; www.grindscene.co.uk comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 6
  • Cynerea - " Bruma " (Italy)

    Vera Clinco, the fucken blue-eye painted goddess herself is back! Supposedly Cynerea is the darkwave/metal alter ego to gothic rock band Caelestis. Not that I’m complaining cos this shit rocks. Like Cataldo Cappiello is getting his Goblin on. Well, this is way more electronic and not nearly as psychedelic as them, but the idea is there. And Vera, my Italian inamorata, could be singing a fucken grocery list and I’d line up to hear it. You know, I don’t even miss the blue eye paint or the lack of stockings. Even in a suit Vera looks absolutely fucken gorgeous. I prefer her in a dress (or out of it, rather) personally – but hey, you gotta fucken take what you can get. Supposedly, ‘Bruma’ is an advance single of a proposed full album that the band is working on – so yeah, by all means, write/produce that record. I have no fucken clue why they insist on composing everything in Italian, but there you have it. Vera’s inflection is attractive as all hell anyway. The world needs more Vera. Have the adorable little Fabiana and her rumbling bass guitar on the album too. Cuteness overload, that’s a fucken guarantee. In fact Fabiana solo’ing away in this darkwave type material would be most fitting. Fab and Cataldo dueling against each other – that would fucken rock. I’m not exactly sure how this sounds (or is supposed to sound) different from Caelestis, except that it is less obviously poppy and a bit heavier – but that’s about it. It is Cappiello writing everything, so it’s no fucken wonder both bands sound nearly identical. Except, of course, that nobody is painting his or her eyes blue. Not that I’m complaining. So according to Google Translate ‘Bruma’ means ‘mist’, which at least gives a vague idea of what the always intensely adorable Vera is warbling on about. The lack of lyrics doesn’t impact the enjoyment of this single. Since this is an advance recording I’m pretty fucken sure they’ll further clean up the production and smooth it out where it fucken needs it. This was a demo pre-production after all. I’m not sure whether Vera was wearing her Pink Floyd shirt during these sessions, and it doesn’t really matter anyway – Cynerea can stand on its own merits, although the differences with Caelestis are superficial at best. But that’s hardly a bad thing. If it involves Vera and Fabiana there’s no sane reason to complain anyway. Those two can do no wrong. http://www.facebook.com/cynereaofficial; www.cynerea.bandcamp.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 7
  • Demilich - " 20th Adversary Of Emptiness " compil. CD 2014 (Finland)

    Svart Records
    Holy fucken shit, dudes. This is the best thing to come from Finland, the land of Armi Päivinen, since Seremonia. And the best part is... it was released about two fucken decades ago! For the two of you that actually know Demilich was the best Finnish death metal band that far too few people actually know about. “Nespithe”, released in 1993, is the only Finnish death metal album you’ll ever need. I don’t care what you assholes say, those bass lines are unmatched even by today’s most technically gifted bands, the super low sewer grunt can actually be understood and the lyrics... Holy fuck, the lyrics, dudes. This band was probably the earliest European band talking about interdimensional travel, space horror and internal beings – a rough three years after Nocturnus. And the insanely long song titles are just amazing. If there’s one essential death metal album that’s actually, you know, essential – this one is it. So what the fuck is the “20th Adversary Of Emptiness”? It’s a two-disc compilation. The first disc contains a high fidelity restoration/remaster for the band’s only album “Nespithe”, and disc two compiles all of the band’s early demos and various studio sessions in chronological order. Demilich independently released three fucken demo tapes before being contracted by Necropolis Records. It’s good hearing all these songs in their original form. Sure, Demilich didn’t play exactly fast, but for fuck’s sake, these ugly Finnish men were heavier than anybody else at the time. Seriously, who needs any modern bands when you can listen to this all day long? Odin knows that a lot of stupid occult rock has been coming out of Scandinavia lately, so it is a fucken joy to see Svart Records, the house that Noora Federley built, try its hand at this. If you are fucken serious about liking death metal, there is no fucken excuse to not pick this record up. This fucken two-disc compilation of Demilich was long fucken overdue, dudes. The only thing that can further brighten my day now is the always ridiculously cute Armi Paivinen dancing around in her skimpy underwear, but the chance of that happening is as slim as finding good bands on Sumerian Records. So yeah, “20th Adversary Of Emptiness” is a record you need to own in physical form. This is essential death metal history, and if you don’t know this fucken band you are probably a stupid kid or a hipster. http://www.svartrecords.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 8
  • Hiss from the Moat - " Misanthropy " 1cd 2013 (Italy)

    Lacerated Enemy Records
    Boy, this is some well-played Death Metal. Similar to Behemoth around the time the band was converting to Death Metal, Hiss from the Moat plays that with the modern added brutality and speed. Damn the drummer is fast. The way his feet are moving, you can’t and shouldn’t try to race him or chase him for anything. He’s fine where he is. He also plays in Hour of Penance.

    The music has its own boundaries, a niche of some sort that the band has created for itself. There’s hardly anything shocking here except for the speed and precision. If you’re fine with this, you won’t leave this for your mom. Within that sound, it blends the exotic touches and a wee atmosphere comparable to Lykathea Aflame. And that drumming is just orchestrated collapse of civilizations.

    Italian Death Metal is right up there where my hands can’t reach. Being a short album, you’ll have to reach for the repeat button though – “Misanthropy” warrants that much. It’s seriously impeccably played, with style, taste and speed of course, and there’s that drummer too. http://laceratedenemy.bigcartel.com comment it (0) Kunal Choksi / 8
  • Pervertor - " Into the Alcoholic Abyss " 1cd 2013 (New Zealand)

    Headless Horseman Records
    Doesn’t each country have one of these by now? In Sweden they have Bewitched and Nifelheim, in Finland there’s Barathrum, Belgium had Demonizer and North America has Skeletonwitch. Drunken heavy/black/thrash metal that gets by more on energy than actual songwriting or, you know, skill. “Into the Alcoholic Abyss” sounds exactly like every one else, but in a subgenre that has been stagnant since its creation – I suppose that’s hardly a fucken fault. At least Pervertor is better and more energetic than Bullet Belt, who are on the same label. The vocals are pretty fucken intense too. Acidic and extremely one-dimensional, but at least they are good. Apparently this band is made up of two brothers with Casey and Shaune Gallagher, which is about where the novelty (haha) with this act ends. I’m not fucken certain how the New Zealand scene is these days, but if Pervertor is any indication it isn’t much to write home about. There’s no way in fucken hell I could possibly tell these songs apart, and the drummer only seems to play one beat for the duration of the album. Either way, this record has a great schwung and a traditional metal backbone, but that’s about it. I can’t possibly fucken fathom anybody being impressed by this, stupid kids excepted. “Into the Alcoholic Abyss” sounds exactly as it title: this is pretty fun stuff when you are hung over and drunk, but once the fucken smoke clears and you sober up, it is not nearly as great as you remember it. Anyway, I’m sure Pervertor are fine folks with enough willing fangirls at their disposal, so it doesn’t really matter one fucken iota what I think about this record anyway, since the most of you have made your mind up any fucken way. This is tolerable stuff, but hardly the sort of thing I will ever listen to again if there are better options available. http://www.facebook.com/HeadlessHorsemannz comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 6
  • Shrapnel Storm - " We Come In Peace... " demo 2013 (Finland)

    A retro thrash/speed metal band from Finland, the land of Armi Päivinen, and it isn’t Axegressor? Excuse me as I don’t exactly reel with excitement. It isn’t 2003 anymore, and even the godawful and fucken trendy Earache Records has moved on to other things by now. Apparently these guys released three demos prior to this since forming in 2007, and from the fucken sight of things this band is going nowhere. It is okay if you never heard of these sad sacks of shit before cos neither did I. It’s not as if any of these guys played in other bands you might have heard of before. So yeah, “We Come In Peace”. A grand total of two tracks, and about 9 minutes of more death metal minded retro-thrash. The drumming is uninteresting, and completely fucken screwed over by a plastic sound. The riffs aren’t particularly interesting, but at least the rumbling bass guitar is the way I prefer my girls: thick and juicy. I suppose these songs are fucken fine when these guys perform live, but on record they are fucken boring. I suppose this EP is supposed to be teaser for an album these guys are working on. Which is all well and fucken good, but it begs the fucken question I already asked before: does the world need this? No. What the world needs is not Shrapnel Storm, or another neo-retro thrash metal band, but new pictures and videos from Armi Päivinen. Seriously. I would be fucken interested to see Armi strutting her stuff around in a mini-skirt, or just in a bra. Simple stuff. Is that so much to ask? There’s a lot you can say about this fucken band, but for the most part they get the important things right, music excepted. That stereotypical 80s thrash logo is amazing in its simplicity, and the skull-tank artwork is really fucken cool. Holy fucken shit, dudes. That painted artwork is fucken fantastic, and it makes me fucken nostalgic for the long gone days when Necrolord, Ed Repka and Dan Seagrave reigned supreme. Yeah, “We Come In Peace...” is all sorts of crappy – what you fucks gonna call the follow-up to this EP: “We Return In Pieces...” ? Cos that would actually be funny. Oh my fucken god. I’m not even drunk yet and I’m already coming up with better titles than these ugly Finnish men. You read it here first. Flemming, at the frontlines of the underground. Ugh! http://www.shrapnel-storm.com; www.facebook.com/shrapnelstormband; www.themetaldetectormusicpromotions.com comment it (0) Flemming Gabin / 4

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